The woman connection

I dont really feel better. I feel upset. Not depressed but upset. My mother is dealing with some basic health issues and I’m having to deal with the fact that I may not have a mom forever. I can’t imagine a world with out my mom. Either of my parents really. I mean, what do you do when the people who raised you are gone.

I am self sufficient and all that jazz but your parents are stuck a strong connection to your past and foundation of who you are. It is a strange month when I don’t see my parents at least once. It’s a strange week if I don’t talk to my mother at least three times. When I’m sick or stressed or scared or struggling I talk to her or dad. When life is bad and I caused it, they are my reminder that things go on and we made choices, deal with the results and move on.

My mom lost her mom last year. .. it was a slow process. I visited my grandmother’s bed side as she was passing and thought about how lucky I was to grow up with grandparents and how my grandmother was two people in my mind. The grandmother before the stroke and the grandmother after the massive stroke. The before grandmother offered pot roast and hot chocolate for tea parties, the after grandmother smiled with half her face and sang to you are my sunshine with strange mumble mouth. Even when it was hard, there were those amazing moments. The days when she recognized and wanted to try and interact with everyone. Dying grandmother lay there, struggling with each breath and surrounded with her daughters. The love and loss they felt was heavy in the air.

I wonder if I will have to sit vigil over my mom as she passes. If she will leave me slowly or quickly. Will I recognize the woman who went from being a mother to a confidant and friend when its her time? Will I have to let her go in the next few years or will she stay around for the future. We always are at risk for losing the people we love. How one comes to terms With that loss, I hope I still have a few years to figure it out.

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2 Responses to The woman connection

  1. Crystal says:

    I think we all think about the future of our loved ones. It’s never the happiest thoughts since time passes and our loved ones do too. I’m sorry you are feeling all of this right now. Your mom’s health is worrying you, but I think you have quite a while before you’ll lose her.

  2. Eric says:

    Losing your loved ones is hard. I’ve found that I remember the loved ones I’ve lost with amazing clarity…but what I remember are the best of our moments together, a few of their characteristics I loved, and their liveliness. Even the ones that I’ve been close to or at their death bed, I don’t remember that experience vividly after time. Instead I remember the thing mentioned above. I wish the same for you.

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